Who’s in Control?

One of the best things we can do for ourselves, is to stop trying to control the things we have no control over.

I had to learn this the hard way. I spent the first 35 years of my life believing that I could control my corner of the Universe – my life, my children’s life, my husband’s life, my sibling’s life, and pretty much everyone else’s too.  

5 years ago, I had a close family member rebel and make some choices, that didn’t go along with “my plan”. I tried everything I could to change him, his friends, his decisions, his grades, his hobbies, etc., anything what was not part of “my plan”. I spent years and lots of energy trying to control the situation- coercing, bribing, forcing, giving the silent treatment, yelling, threatening, crying, punishing, screaming, you name it, I did it. But everything I did to try to bring the ball back to my side of the court was only moving it farther and farther away. My loved one was rebelling harder. Our relationship was extremely tense and almost non-existent.

I was so mad! Why was God ignoring me? Why wasn’t He answering my prayers like He did for Alma and King Mosiah and countless others? I wanted my miracle. Dang it! Where was it? Then when I was done throwing the tantrum, I’d convince myself that I probably just wasn’t trying hard enough. So, I’d 10x my efforts – more yelling, more rules, forcing more gospel down his throat, more talking to counselors and Church leaders. I was going to get my happy ending even if it killed me, and it about did.

In the meantime, all the stress, anger, and gnashing of teeth was really taking a toll on my health. I became super sick. Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue became my new norm. There were days when I could barely make it out of bed. I was miserable, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I believe God used this illness to humble me. He had a lesson for me, but I was too busy trying to bring about my miracle that I wasn’t listening. So, He created the opportunity for me to have some downtime, so I would stop and listen.

He taught me that I was being like Satan. Satan’s plan was to control everyone into doing the “right thing”.  I was taking away my loved one’s agency. I was trying to control something I had no right to control. My efforts were futile. God gave us each our agency. The only thing/person I have control over is me, my mind, my choices. How I choose to react. What I choose to believe.

Letting go of this control and handing over to God, where it belonged, was incredibly freeing! It was the beginning of my health journey.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”

~Steve Maraboli

Stay in your own business. “There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s.” -Byron Kaite

When we’re hurting, it can mean, we’re out of our business and we’re trying to stick our nose in someone else’s. Let God be in control of His business, and let others be in charge of theirs. Their life is not yours to control. You have no power over anyone else but you. Stop wasting your energy on things you have no control over and start putting it towards the things you do.